Can I do it? Can I finally make the commitment to not only get in shape, but to stay in shape as well? I want to look like James Bond. I want to look like Captain Kirk’s early years. I want to look like Elvis. I want to look like the motherfucking statue of David with a giant motherfucking penis.

Fourteen hours on a bus. I really wish I had a Xanax, but maybe I kind of don’t. My PSP is fully charged. I have Nintendo games to beat. The ending of Double Dragon II is awful. I just realized I’ve never beaten any Super Mario games except for Super Mario World. I could only manage to get 116 stars in Super Mario 64. I’ve only beaten Megaman 4 and Megaman 5 out of all of them and I had to use a Game Genie to do it.